Sharing Happiness

My phone rang this week, and for once, it wasn’t my kids or my husband or my mother or my carpool partner or my in laws or one of those pre-recorded doctor’s appointment confirmation messages.

“Hey Lisa, what have you been up to?” she asked. I was dumbfounded. I had not received a purely social call in months — it was as if I had forgotten what to do. My mind raced as I tried to remember how to engage in idle chit chat.

Why on earth is she calling me? I thought. I mean, we only know each other because our husbands work together, and besides, I’m new here, but  she’s lived here for years. She has plenty of other friends to call . . . there must be some problem.

“Oh, you know, the usual . . . busy, busy, busy!” I lied, waiting for her to ask to borrow money, or give her a ride to the airport, or buy overpriced candles for her son’s baseball team fundraiser.  

“Well, listen, I really need some exercise… would you like to go on a power walk or something?”

You’d have thought I was a double winner on the Price is Right Showcase Showdown by the way I reacted.

“Really?! Yes! I would love to! What time?! Where do you want me to meet you?! I’ll go anywhere! I already have work out clothes on, so I am ready to go whenever you are, so just say the word and…”

“Nine-fifteen at the Park and Ride lot on Wonderwood Drive,” she interrupted my pathetic ramble.

“You got it!”

I arrived twenty minutes early, and sat desperately waiting to spot her mini van. When she arrived, I bolted from my car as if it had burst into flames.

“Hi!” I yelled and waved across the parking lot, startling her out of her morning haze. For the next hour, we did what housewives do so well – analyzed, pondered, proclaimed, opined, pontificated, empathized, chastised, gossiped and even listened a little bit, all under the guise of exercise. I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Back in the parking lot, my new friend suggested that we make the outing our new Thursday routine. I eagerly agreed, and nearly skipped back to my car with a goofy grin.

On the drive home, I thought, Finally, a real friend. I can’t wait for next Thursday. Boy, I wish we could meet Tuesdays and Thursdays. But maybe that’s too much. I don’t want to scare her away. Hmmm. Come to think of it, maybe I did come on too strong. I don’t remember listening all that much, actually. I think I did most of the talking. Why do I always do that? She was probably wondering whether I’d ever shut up. I’ll bet she will call and cancel next week because she thinks I’m an annoying blabbermouth….

I pulled into my driveway, put the car in park, and looked at myself in the rear view mirror. Not only did I realize that, on the walk, my bangs had fallen into that unflattering middle part that made my face look like a full moon, it also occurred to me that this had all happened before.

Suddenly overwhelmed with that bizarre déjà vu sensation, I tried to recollect the past. It didn’t take long for me to recognize that the internal conversation I just had with myself was the same one I had in 2008, 1998, 1996, 1994 and 1993 – basically, every time the military has ordered us to move.

After every move, I busy myself with setting up our new life – new house, new schools, new doctors, new dentists, new music teachers, new gym, new church, new pizza place, new routines — a daunting task which keeps me occupied for several months. But once the new routines are in place, there’s nothing left to do except live.

I don’t care whether you live in Poughkeepsie or Prague, boredom eventually sets in. You find yourself dawdling on the internet, throwing dinner together last minute, ignoring housework, and eating too much. You put on work out clothes every day, but never make it to the gym. You call your husband at work even though you know he can’t chat. You write long e-mails to friends from the past who are too preoccupied to write back. Even your own mother tries to get off the phone when you call, and your last resort, the family dog, has no good gossip to share.

You are bored out of your mind.

As I fixed my bangs in the rear view mirror, I remembered the story of Christopher McCandless, a young man who disappeared “Into the Wild” (the name of the book by Jon Krakauer) to live free from obligations and relationships. After spending over three months utterly alone, he finally realized that he had been wrong about life all along. Days before he died of starvation trying to make it back out of the wild, he wrote “Happiness is only real if shared.”

Remembering the quote helped me understand why I always get a little pathetic every time we move, and although I’m in no danger of starving anytime soon (quite the contrary in fact,) I realized that everyone needs a good friend or two to nourish the soul.

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Comments: 7

  1. Kathie Hightower January 18, 2012 at 12:52 pm Reply

    LOVE this. Boy can we all relate. The good news is (and I can say this after 30+ years of military life), so many of those friends become deep friends. Even when you haven’t seen someone for awhile, you get back together and go right into that deep easy comfort space of true friends. that’s why we included item # 959. Friendships in the military that last a lifetime (in our book 1001 Things to Love About Military Life.) And by the way, for any introvert military spouses out there and really for everyone, we added a full chapter on how to make friends and maintain friendships as you move with the military in our other book geared specifically for spouses called Help! I’m a Military Spouse…I Get a Life Too!2d.Ed. Lisa, love your writing style…I’m still working towards that narrative nonfiction. Kudos.

  2. Husband of walking friend (that's my given American Indian name) October 12, 2011 at 1:16 pm Reply

    I am very familiar with the new friend of whom you speak and will share that she also thoroughly enjoys the new walk regime. Friends with common interests not driven by daily demands and necessity are difficult to find or fit into your schedule. My best friend who lives in Alabama called me on Sunday and said he was coming to Jax Tuesday for training and wanted to get together. We planned to meet for wings, beer, and playoff baseball at BW3s last night BUT… an early start to flu season in my house, his late arrival due to work demands that postponed his departure, my mother’s unexpected trip to the ER and hospital stay Monday, and my forgetfulness that I had to fast last night due to medical exam labs this morning and sure enough….my “walk” was cancelled. Your perspective was on the mark and well received….one day perhaps you might just pass your husband and I trekking down the Wonderwood talking about the two of you….all good of course. ; )

  3. Dawn @ Tractors and Tire Swings October 6, 2011 at 5:06 pm Reply

    That is so awesome – best thing I’ve read all week. Love it. So glad you have a new friend!

  4. zmanowner October 6, 2011 at 3:42 pm Reply

    Most people dont get the anxiety that military families experience when they move. Setting up house, schools and so on. My wife had the hardest time making new friends. Its very tough. But you have made a friend thats great….everyone needs time away from the house, the little ones and yes even the significant other..enjoy it..zman sends

  5. Anonymous October 4, 2011 at 2:16 pm Reply

    Make new friends but keep…….. I’m the old lady from Engand and you never reacted like that when I called.

  6. Juls October 3, 2011 at 9:36 pm Reply

    You read my mind….exactly…yet again! I really thought I was the only person who acted this ridiculous with people and had such conversations in their head. Great reference to the Krakauer book (love his stuff). Listen to the soundtrack to the movie version of that book (by Eddie Vedder) on Tuesday when you’re out there alone, or Thursday if she dumps you!

  7. energywriter October 3, 2011 at 8:30 pm Reply

    Excellent collection of thoughts, ruminations and conclusions. You go, girl!
    I can see myself in each scenario and am glad to know I’m not the only one.

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