“Did this thing shrink?” I think to myself, while stuffing the relevant bits and pieces into my sports bra. I had resolved to drop a few excess pounds after the holidays, and putting on workout clothes was half the battle.
“Now I have to exercise today,” I mumble before trudging to the kitchen for coffee.
After driving the kids to school in our dirty white minivan, I head home, fully intending to jog directly to the base gym and lift weights. Pulling into my driveway, I notice how messy the interior of the van is. With a loud “tsk” I decide that it is imperative for me to Shop Vac the van before my run.
There’s something about a Shop Vacs, leaf blowers and a power washers. Once I get one going, I can’t seem to put the thing down. It’s exhilarating to cleanse one’s life of debris and clutter, and I never seem to want that feeling to end.
Two hours later, I had not only vacuumed the van, but I had also sucked the cobwebs out of the garage, the sand off the screened porch, the dog hair off the living room floor, the peanuts from under the couch cushions, and the crumbs out of the utensil drawers.
I breathe a huge sigh of cleansed relief, and then notice the time. “Criminy!” I blurt, “I need to get on that jog!” I decide to save the weight lifting for tomorrow, and just get the run in. That is, right after I hit the bathroom.
My middle-aged bladder is no longer cooperating. I was always one of those girls who could “hold it” forever like some kind of sub-Saharan camel. But once I hit age 40, my bladder got fed up and took my urethra hostage. Essentially, when the urge strikes, I’d better hit the porcelain throne within a minute or two, or my bladder will open the release valve on my own little Hoover Dam.
While doing my business, I notice an interesting article on space exploration in the latest National Geographic …
With a resounding flush, I emerge from the bathroom with an empty bladder and a brain full of newfound information on space exploration, scatology, airborne microbes, and Ecuadorian parakeets. “Fascinating…” I mutter while tying up the string on my workout pants.
The clock dictates that it’s on the early side of lunchtime. I can’t go on a run with an empty stomach, of course. Ever a multi-tasker, I eat lunch while checking e-mails on our computer.
Computers can be evil. Just like I can’t just buy just one thing at Target, I find it nearly impossible to just “check e-mail” on our computer. Somehow, tabs get opened, links get clicked, and next thing you know, I’ve told someone what I ate for lunch on Facebook, bid on a set of vintage Pyrex nesting bowls on Ebay, and watched three You Tube videos of babies laughing at stuff.
Suddenly, my watch alarm sounds, signaling that it’s time for me to get back in the minivan to pick the kids up from school. “Well, darn it,” I say, “I guess I’ll just have to power walk later this afternoon.”
Back home a couple hours later, I’m ready for that walk, but decide I’d better fluff and fold the laundry real quick so my husband’s uniforms won’t wrinkle. Since folding laundry is about as entertaining as watching paint dry, I turn the TV on for a little background noise.
I must say, those shows about hoarders are riveting. It’s like a train wreck ÔÇô it’s awful and tragic, but you can’t stop watching.
An hour later, I try to go on my walk, but I have to defrost the pork chops, I have to take Lilly to her tennis lesson, I have to load the dishwasher, I have to scratch the dog’s belly, I have to watch that new episode of “Modern Family”.
At 10 pm, my husband wakes me on the couch to follow him to our bed. My workout clothes are quite cozy, so in a “Flashdance”-inspired move, I take off my sports bra, and climb right into bed.
“My workout clothes will already be on when I wake up in the morning,” I think to myself before dropping off to sleep, “so I’ll have to exercise tomorrow, for sure.”
Yeppers, I hear ya. I did start to weight lift after a year break, but it seems that it always is a last priority and it’s been pure luck, and some major griping to the family, to get it done. And with as busy as I am, of course I deserve down time, and that half pan of brownies while I’m sitting down. And if I do yoga, I get doggy tongue on my face, and a little one who thinks I’m a jungle gym in those poses, so that’s out.
I read somewhere that the best time to workout is first thing in the morning, but who wants to give up sleep for groggy exercises? And by evening when everyone is asleep, I’m exhausted. Heck, to be honest, I probably fall asleep before the kids.
Oh my — you just described my life, except that my kids are too big to climb on me now and my dog is stingy with his kisses!
Lisa,
You’ve definitively described a typical mom day. I laugh because I’ve been and still am there. Even at my stage of life, I can fill my day with so much stuff I don’t get to the gym. For example I was out of town, then head cold, so today I’m trying to catch up on a zillion emails. Lunges – hah! I’d never get up from one. Luckily my gym advisor did not include them in my routine.
Your comment about lunges gave me an idea….maybe I’ll sprinkle Hershey kisses on the floor, making me lunge down to get them!!
I would think that a two hour vacuum session pretty much equals a power-walk or a jog for that matter. They’ve always taught me that it doesn’t matter much what you do, as long as you do something…
I like the way you think!
I really like how you outlined every step of your day and how it can so easily disappear and get off track without us ever really noticing. I also make my best efforts for some sort of physical activity every day, even if it’s only yoga for twenty minutes – hey, it’s better than nothing right? I think the small commitments help prevent me from really putting it off like I would a long run or 2 hour gym session.
So true Stephanie, so I strive to keep my expectations LOW! Seriously tho – you are so right – if I say I am going to start running 3 miles, it probably won’t happen. But if I say I’m going to power walk, I will do it, and I might even run a little in the process.
I hate it when you work out hard for a week and make great progress, then BAM you have the flu and you are down for the count. Lost that momentum. Totally can relate to this post, Lisa. I enjoyed it and I’m still wearing my yoga pants…no yoga today. 🙂
Hey Stacy, leave it to the “Nurse Mommy” to bring up the flu — don’t jinx me, I’m already behind!
Great to hear I am not alone…..there was that yoga class I wanted to try out for the longest time right here in the neighborhood, but the fitness schedule on my fridge was from last year’s May…oh dear…is this the sign of a good Mom to put everyone first or the mind of someone with a diploma in procrastination?
I hear you — I think I have a doctorate!
This is hysterical, and oh so true. But hey, at least you got the crumbs cleaned out of the silverware drawer, so you’re a step ahead of me!
From the comments so far, I probably should have been doing lunges while I was Shop-vac-ing!
I do lunges while getting shavings for the horses’ stalls, while waiting for water buckets to fill, any time there is a wait time. I am doing a squat challenge – started at 25 and adding on every day .and in a month will be doing 250. A good little exercise to do is reverse crunches – sitting at a chair and puling your legs in. There are lots of little ways to push yourself.
But clothes also shrink.
Thanks for the tips — especially the chair lunges, since I seem to be doing a lot of sitting lately!
Very nice, Lisa. If it werenÔÇÖt for the fact that I teach fitness, IÔÇÖd be wearing a sports bra to bed too.
…/Mile
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Now THAT I’d like to see!
I know the feeling. Never ever wind up working out, mainly because I get lazy though ha. Sometimes I try and add it into my daily routine, although I do look a tad crazy when I start lunging my way through the house instead of walking. You win some you lose some I guess haha.
So funny you describe lunging through the house — I’ve done the same. I’ve even lunged while walking my dog on the beach, and to make matters even more embarrassing, I would stop on the low point of the lunge to look for shells!