In the fall, through the magic of associative thought, a whiff of fallen leaves evokes echoes of marching bands and whistles blown. We feel the cold aluminum bleacher seats and the prickle of wool scarves around our necks. Like Pavlov’s dog, our mouths water as we bring to mind hot coffee at 8 am soccer games and chili dogs at football halftime.
As soon as our kids show any proficiency whatsoever, we parents strap some equipment on them and put them on a team, so we can experience the sights, sounds and smells of the fall sports season.
To satisfy our selfish interests, we justify our pushy behavior by telling ourselves that kids benefit by learning about teamwork.
But do they?
Today’s sports recreation leagues seem replete with controversy. Although such organizations now have exhaustive constitutions, bylaws and procedural manuals promising double-blind fairness in team selection, somehow there are always reports of teams being “stacked.” This focus on selecting winning teams diminishes the emphasis on the life lessons that team participation can impart.
About five years ago, my son was a squishy little 10-year-old who preferred piano and rainbows to athletic pursuits.
Early in the fall of his 5th grade year, our son started showing an interest in football, much to our surprise. As visions of tailgate parties danced in our heads, we jumped on the opportunity and contacted the local flag football league.
“Sorry ma’am, the teams are full . . . now, if you’re husband would be willing to coach, your son could play this season.”
Completely ignorant of the rec league team selection process, my husband agreed, and promptly went to the public library to get a book on coaching football.
We received a roster of 15 kids — our son and 14 others who transferred from overcrowded teams. What we didn’t know, was that the coaches had been asked to give up a couple kids each, and of course, they picked their worst players.
Obliviously, we showed up for our first practice raring and ready to access the boys’ talents.
The lineup was not what we expected.
None of the boys knew anything whatsoever about football. A few were skinny. Several were small. Three had learning disabilities. But they were all excited to play.
We decided to call ourselves “The Sharks” and accepted the rejected purple league jerseys without complaint.
Practices were dicey. The plays looked more like people running from a fire, but we were hopeful that it would all come together on game day.
As team mom, I went a little overboard. I researched cheers online, tailoring the chants to fit our shark theme. I ordered the Jaws soundtrack. I bought “spirit wear:” sweatshirts, t-shirts and little purple towels.
The parents, albeit somewhat reluctantly, accepted my overly enthusiastic governance, and allowed me to conduct “fan rehearsal” during practices. From their folding chairs, they chanted, “Take it away, make that play, take that flag away!”
Every once in a while, I thought I saw someone roll their eyes, but I wasn’t going to let that get in the way of my unbridled team spirit.
Game day finally arrived and we were ready. Parents donned their Sharks spirit wear and swung their little purple towels. Players gathered around Coach for a pre-game pep talk.
“Listen boys, I want you all to go out there today and show ÔÇÿem what you’re made of! Let’s tell everybody out there, if you swim with the Sharks, you’re gonna get bit!!”
Both players and parents alike exploded into simultaneous applause and collective woo-hoos.
A half hour later, we were down by three touchdowns, and our blissful ignorance of the corrupt league team selection process came to an abrupt end.
“Listen up Sharks,” my husband barked during half-time, “don’t let the numbers on that scoreboard get you down! We are the Sharks and we’ve got a fire inside of us! Win or lose, we are going to fight and fight hard! Now go out there, boys, and give ÔÇÿem all you got!!”
At the end of the third quarter, the ref called the game in favor of our opponents because they were beating us 40 to nothing.
The rest of the season was more of the same, and it was not easy to keep the morale of our little Sharks in the positive. But we persisted. Instead of emphasizing winning, we became determined to surprise the other team with our undying spirit.
We waved our purple towels, blared the Jaws theme song, and shouted our original Sharks cheers. No matter the odds against us, the Sharks played every game to win.
Despite it all, the Sharks never scored one point.
The following fall, I ran into another Shark’s mom at a local grocery store. She told me that, despite the fact that her son got a winning team this season, he seemed sad, and said to her one day, “Mom, I wish this team was more like the Sharks.”
Her comment reassured me that, despite a winless season, the Sharks were a truly successful team. In the face of unbeatable odds, they showed drive, dedication, character, and good sportsmanship. Developing these attributes is far more important than winning a game.
Vince Lombardi once said, “People who work together will win, whether it be against complex football defenses or the complex problems of modern society.”
So, coaches and league officials, get back to basics. Worry less about who is on what team and focus on teaching kids to be members of a successful team. Parents, accept your children’s team assignments without complaint, and resolve to help them learn from the experience.
Besides, whether your child wins or loses, you still get to smell the clumps of fresh mud that drop off their cleats, feel the hoarseness of your voice after a close quarter, and taste the hot pot of chili waiting for you at home. It’s all good.
My wife and I dont have any children, and one of the experiences that I think we have missed out on is the football and soccer league experiences. I have always thought they provided social circle things between parents (experienced and new)..so in that i think alot of folks with young uns are lucky…even though they may not think that….zman sends
Well said – it is all good! This reminds me of Terrie’s soccer team… and Frannie’s T-ball team!